Clinical psychologist Lily Kaufmann warns that treating constant persistence as your only coping strategy can undermine true resilience and cause exhaustion.
On October 11, 2026, VICE published an article by Sammi Caramela about the resilience paradox, which was updated the following day. The piece examines the concept that constant persistence can actually become harmful when treated as the only way to cope with adversity.
Many adults operate under the assumption that grit and endurance are the only acceptable ways to handle daily pressure. However, recent media coverage highlights how this rigid approach can eventually break down and cause further issues. The VICE article centers on the resilience paradox, a term used to describe the hidden costs of relentless effort. The core finding is that pushing through a problem is not inherently bad, but it becomes a liability when it is your only response.
When individuals face mounting stress, they often default to working harder or ignoring their own fatigue. While this might serve a purpose for short bursts, maintaining maximum effort under every demand eventually depletes physical and mental reserves. This pattern is particularly relevant for adults navigating the complex and compounding responsibilities of midlife. The expectation to simply push through ignores the reality that human capacity naturally fluctuates from day to day.
To understand the paradox, it helps to look at how psychological experts actually define resilience in practice. VICE quotes wording attributed to the American Psychological Association, which describes resilience as successfully adapting to difficult experiences. Crucially, this successful adaptation relies heavily on mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility. It involves a continuous adjustment to both internal states and external demands, rather than a stubborn commitment to a single path of action.
This specific perspective shifts the focus from sheer endurance to strategic adaptation. Drawing on a Big Think article by writer Anne-Laure Le Cunff, VICE examines psychologist George Bonanno's concept of regulatory flexibility. This psychological framework suggests that a resilient person chooses coping strategies to fit the specific context of their situation. Instead of viewing rest as a failure, a flexible individual recognizes it as a necessary tool for long-term stability.
George A. Bonanno and Charles L. Burton detailed this framework extensively in the academic literature over a decade ago. They published their paper on the topic in Perspectives on Psychological Science in 2013. The researchers titled their work Regulatory Flexibility: An Individual Differences Perspective on Coping and Emotion Regulation. The availability of this framework highlights that flexibility has long been recognized as a core component of human emotional regulation.
According to the regulatory flexibility model, there is no single coping strategy that works perfectly for every situation. A method that helps you manage a busy morning might completely fail to help you process a long-term family crisis. Therefore, resilience requires a willingness to assess your current environment and select the most appropriate response. This intentional choice might mean pushing forward on some days and purposefully pulling back on others.
The VICE author presents a personal account of overwork, chronic stress, health problems, and burnout to illustrate these concepts. The author shares a history of relentless productivity that eventually culminated in significant physical and mental exhaustion. While this personal testimony helps explain the article's angle, it does not serve as causal evidence that effort alone creates illness. The true takeaway is that an inflexible approach to stress limits your ability to recover properly.
When you cannot change your strategy to match your circumstances, you risk amplifying the very stress you are trying to manage. Coping strategies and a person's specific way of engaging with the world significantly affect adaptation to adversity. If your only tool is endurance, every challenge becomes a test of your physical limits. This constant testing can degrade your overall well-being over time.
A central distinction in the recent coverage is the difference between beneficial persistence and harmful stubbornness. Sticking with a difficult activity is often necessary when the long-term outcomes are mostly positive and manageable. The danger arises when a person continues to push on in the face of mounting physical or psychological costs. Recognizing when those costs have become too high is a critical component of functional resilience for adults.
Clinical psychologist Lily Kaufmann, who specializes in trauma and anxiety, provided several warning signs during her interview with VICE. She identified worsening physical, mental, or emotional exhaustion as key indicators that a strategy needs adjustment. A growing sense of fatigue that does not resolve with normal rest is a clear signal to pause. Recognizing these signs early can prevent a minor period of stress from becoming a chronic issue.
Additionally, Kaufmann noted that increasing stress or overwhelm can signal that your current approach is no longer effective. She also warned that an injury or health condition getting worse suggests that pushing through is backfiring. Finally, a growing difficulty in daily functioning indicates that the costs of your current strategy are outweighing the benefits. These are practical observations rather than formal diagnostic criteria, but they offer a useful framework for self-reflection.
Kaufmann's commentary in the VICE piece clarifies why behavioral flexibility is so critical for long-term well-being. She told the publication that when "pushing through becomes the only strategy," a person's physical and psychological health may suffer. By framing resilience as a flexible process rather than a static trait, Kaufmann highlights the danger of treating persistence as a universal solution.
For adults managing careers, families, and shifting sleep patterns, translating this framework into daily life requires a change in perspective. You do not need to wait for total exhaustion to change your approach to a demanding week. Instead, you can treat Kaufmann’s warning signs as practical prompts to reassess your current commitments and energy levels. If you notice your ability to function is declining, it is a logical time to look at what can be adjusted.
Evaluating your routines is useful when you are trying to manage a persistent stress load. For instance, identifying the surroundings and habits that disrupt rest allows you to make targeted changes rather than just trying to sleep harder. Rather than applying a blanket rule to every challenge, try asking a more flexible question. Kaufmann suggests asking whether a specific course of action is helping more than it is hurting right now.
If the costs of continuing have become too high, she advises evaluating a step back to take time for rest. This simple check allows you to intervene before your stress levels interfere with your evening routines or morning energy. Scaling back your effort does not mean you are abandoning your responsibilities or giving up on your goals. It can simply mean changing the amount, timing, or intensity of a demand to better fit your current capacity.
Kaufmann illustrates this practical adjustment by suggesting you might do less studying after a particularly demanding day. Applying this logic to your own life could involve shortening a workout, delaying a household chore, or declining an optional meeting. These small adjustments are a vital part of building a sense of safety and everyday conditions that support recovery. Recognizing your limits on a given day is a sign of psychological strength, not weakness.
Applying these principles to your sleep routine can also prevent compounding exhaustion. If you find yourself too wired to sleep after a high-pressure day, forcing an early bedtime might create more frustration. Instead, practicing regulatory flexibility might mean reading a book or listening to quiet music until you feel naturally tired. Adjusting your wind-down routine to match your actual state of arousal is far more effective than staring at the ceiling.
It is also vital to recognize that adapting to adversity is not purely an individual responsibility or an isolated task. The VICE article notes that social resources and personal circumstances play a significant role in how well people manage difficult experiences. You cannot solve relentless external demands simply by changing your internal mindset or forcing yourself to be more resilient. A realistic approach to everyday recovery acknowledges the limits of individual endurance and the value of community.
If you are facing continuous pressure, evaluate how your environment and your social connections might share the load. Relying on professional advice or community support is a highly valid way to practice regulatory flexibility. Engaging with others can provide new perspectives and reduce the burden of carrying stress alone. For more on this, reviewing social connection and stress resilience can offer practical ways to rebuild a supportive network.
By treating resilience as a dynamic process of adjustment rather than a solitary endurance test, you can build sustainable routines. This approach aligns perfectly with the goal of stress management and mental resilience without turning rest into another performance target. Flexibility allows you to navigate the complexities of midlife with a calmer, more measured response to inevitable challenges.
As psychological frameworks move away from the idea of relentless endurance, we have to evaluate how we measure daily success. If health specialists increasingly view flexible adjustment as the true marker of strength, how will adults learn to prioritize strategic rest over constant performance?
Persistent mental load that makes it hard to switch off often stems from the belief that you must push through every daily challenge, and Relaxopia provides the calm context needed to unlearn that habit. We help you recognize when rigid endurance is depleting your daytime energy, guiding you toward evidence-based habits that support genuine, sustainable recovery.
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